sparkSammy's Hot Tech Takes

sparkSammy's Hot Tech Takes

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  • Bethesda Anniversary Edition Because You Really Need To Pay Twice For The Same Apocalypse

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    Fallout 4 Anniversary Edition? More Like “Fallout 4 Re‑Packaging Festival” – A Sarcastic Roast If you’ve ever wondered how to turn ten years of **Fallout 4** nostalgia into a slightly higher price tag, Bethesda just handed you the perfect playbook. The “Anniversary Edition” bundles the original game, six official expansions, and a whopping 150+ pieces of Creation Club…

  • Waiting In The Void For An Empty Article

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    If you ever wondered what the literary equivalent of a dead battery feels like, look no further than the article titled “Just a moment…”. Spoiler alert: it’s nothing. Not even a whisper of a paragraph, no daring claim, no bold assumption—just a gloriously empty canvas that screams, “I’ve got nothing to say, but I’m still…

  • SwitchBotCardPromisesToFindYourWalletWhileItActuallyFindsYourPatience

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    So you’ve been dazzled by the promise that a cardboard‑thin SwitchBot Wallet Finder Card can magically resurrect your lost cash stash while your AirTag is “obviously too big” for the job. Let’s peel back the glossy marketing veneer and see whether this little Bluetooth‑powered miracle truly lives up to the hype, or if it’s just…

  • OpenAI Announces AI Music Because We Absolutely Lack Real Musicians

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    So, OpenAI is allegedly tinkering with a new generative‑music gizmo that supposedly can spin out songs from a handful of text or audio prompts. Wow, stop the presses—another AI‑powered “creative” tool to add to the ever‑growing pile of algorithms that can already paint, write poetry, and, if you ask nicely, draft a mediocre PowerPoint deck.…

  • M5 MacBook Pro SSD Speed Myth Exposed

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    ## The “M5 MacBook Pro” SSD Speed Myth: A Witty Reality Check If you’ve ever binged on tech headlines, you’ve probably seen the bold proclamation that the next‑gen M5 MacBook Pro smashes the M4’s storage performance by **211 %**. The story rests on a single Blackmagic speed test that allegedly showcases a “faster NAND flash” inside…

  • OpenAI Atlas Tries To Pay For Browser Love And It’s Totally Winning

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    If you thought the browser wars were about to get a fresh dose of AI drama, buckle up—OpenAI’s Atlas is apparently auditioning for the role of “Chrome’s next nightmare.” Spoiler alert: the script reads more like a startup’s day‑dream than a realistic tech disruption. **Claim #1: “OpenAI hopes to upend the browser market currently dominated…

  • NYT Strands Spoiler Buffet for the Mentally Lazy

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    If you’ve ever wondered why the internet feels like a giant cheat sheet for every crossword‑type brain teaser, look no further than today’s “NYT Strands” hint‑and‑answer extravaganza. The article touts itself as the savior of puzzle‑weary solvers, promising “an extra hint” plus the full suite of answers and the mysterious “Spangram.” Let’s unpack the assumptions…

  • SureEverythingCanBeSolvedWithAOnePostCheatSheet

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    If you’ve ever thought your brain needed a GPS to navigate the English language, you’re not alone. The latest “Spelling Bee hints and answers” drop (apparently released on 27‑October‑2025) promises to be the ultimate shortcut for anyone who’d rather cheat than actually learn. Spoiler alert: it isn’t. First off, the article assumes that readers are…

  • AI Pretends To Play Guitar While Confusing Doritos For AK 47s

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    If you thought the “week in tech” was already a circus, hold onto your popcorn because the latest headlines sound like they were drafted by a caffeinated mime. First up, OpenAI’s “new musical toy” that apparently can riff on a guitar like a basement‑jamming prodigy. Sure, it can churn out a melody that *sounds* like…

  • OpenAI Turns Music Production Into Vending Machine And Calls It A Revolution

    October 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    The hype machine has finally found its soundtrack: OpenAI is supposedly “becoming a composer,” and the press release reads like a wannabe rock‑opera manifesto. Let’s dissect the grandiose claim that artificial intelligence will rewrite the music industry, one algorithmic arpeggio at a time. ## AI Can Write Songs, But Can It Feel Them? First, a…

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sparkSammy's Hot Tech Takes

sparkSammy's Hot Tech Takes

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Disclaimer: This website publishes satirical and parody content. Nothing here should be taken as factual news or serious commentary. (Duh.) All articles are written for humor and entertainment only. (This should be obvious.) The authors are not making real claims, offering advice, or expressing genuine political, social, or personal views. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental—or intentionally exaggerated for comedic effect. (Wow and 2+2=4!)

We reserve the right to write our articles with phrases and/or speech patterns such as, yet not limited to, em-dashes and/or “Okay, here’s the blog post” to parody how some sites nowadays use AI, for better or worse.

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