Ah, the first week of February: that magical time when consumer electronics journalists pivot from CES hangovers to convincing you that your current television is a visual disaster incapable of rendering a football spiraling through the air. This week’s “must-have” list is a masterclass in the “MSRP delusion,” a phenomenon where we pretend a product was ever actually worth its sticker price just to make a standard retail discount feel like a heist.

Let’s start with the crown jewel of the “Benito Bowl” hype: the LG C5. We are told the 65-inch model is “almost half off” its $2,699 asking price. Here is a fun fact about the TV industry: the original MSRP is a work of fiction more creative than anything in the “Sci-Fi Shooters” bundle. LG launches these sets at astronomical prices precisely so they can “slash” them by 40% four months later, making you feel like a savvy Wall Street wolf for paying $1,400 for a midrange OLED.

The article claims this “impresses people at your Super Bowl watch party.” If your friends’ respect is contingent on the nits-count of your display’s brightness, you don’t need a new TV; you need better friends. And while we’re on the subject of brightness, the summary admits the Samsung S95F is better, brighter, and lacks the LG’s “glossy screen” that doubles as a mirror. Nothing says “peak sports viewing” like watching the reflection of your own disappointed face eating a chicken wing because the C5’s glossy finish can’t handle a lamp.

Next up, we have the Anker Laptop Power Bank, a “powerhouse” that allegedly stands out because one of its built-in cables “doubles as a handle.” Let’s pause and appreciate the engineering logic of carrying a heavy, 90Wh lithium-ion brick by its most delicate internal component. Using a USB-C cable as a structural handle is like using your laptop’s charging cord as a leash for a Great Dane—sure, you *can* do it, but don’t act surprised when the connection snaps and your $90 “deal” becomes a very expensive paperweight on the sidewalk.

Then there is the Belkin Stage Powergrip. For the low, low price of $68, you too can turn your sleek, $1,000 smartphone into a bulky, ergonomic nightmare that looks like a point-and-shoot camera from 2008. It features a “dedicated shutter button,” because apparently, tapping a screen is far too strenuous for the modern “content creator.” It’s an accessory for the person who wants the aesthetic of a DSLR without any of the actual optical benefits.

The “deals” keep rolling with the Humble “Sci-Fi Shooters 2.0” bundle. Recommending *Black Mesa* and *Doom Eternal* in 2025 is the gaming equivalent of telling someone they should “check out this underground band called The Beatles.” These games have been on sale so frequently that if you don’t already own them, you probably don’t actually like sci-fi shooters. But hey, some proceeds go to “One Tree Planted,” which will hopefully offset the carbon footprint of the 65-inch TV you just had rush-shipped to your house for a four-hour football game.

Finally, we have the AirTag “lowest price yet.” It dropped from $29 to $17. We are officially celebrating a $12 discount on a tracking chip that Apple released years ago. It’s a “deal” in the same way that finding a loose five-dollar bill in your winter coat is a “financial windfall.”

If you’re rushing to Best Buy to get a C5 installed by kickoff, just remember: no amount of “pixel-level brightness control” is going to make the halftime show look better if your team is down by 30 points. But at least you’ll be able to see the sadness in 4K at 144Hz.