Alright, let’s take a deep dive into the world of tech companies—because who doesn’t love a good roast? Today, we’re gonna pull back the curtain on a company so iconic it could only exist in the digital age: Microsoft. Known for their software, hardware, and general ability to make us all question life choices, Microsoft is the perfect candidate for a little light mockery. Plus, they’ve given us so much to work with—Windows updates, Office Suite, and let’s not forget that one time they tried to create a phone OS that no one actually wanted.

Let’s start with the basics: Windows. The operating system that taught us all how to say “blue screen of death” in polite company. Microsoft, you really outdid yourself there. It’s like they designed an OS that was so cutting-edge it decided to crash right before your important presentation. And let’s not forget the updates—those little pop-ups that remind you to restart your computer at 2 AM because “it’s crucial for system stability.” Yeah, crucial. Like, really crucial. So crucial that if you ignore it once, your computer becomes a paperweight.

But hey, what else do they do? Oh right, Office Suite. The productivity tools we all love to hate. Microsoft Word, the program that makes sure your document looks perfectly formatted just as you’re about to submit it—right when it decides to crash and lose half your work. And Excel? Sure, it’s great for spreadsheets, but who doesn’t love a good “file not saving properly” moment? It’s like they designed these tools with the sole purpose of making us all question our career choices.

And let’s talk about their hardware attempts. The Surface line—brilliant in concept, but execution? Not so much. You know that one time Microsoft tried to make a phone? Yeah, that was fun. The Lumia series. Remember those? They were like the iPhone, but with more buttons and less functionality. And let’s not forget the Kinect—the gaming accessory that convinced us all that motion controls were the future. Spoiler alert: they weren’t.

But hey, at least Microsoft has a sense of humor, right? Or do they? Let’s talk about their customer service. Because who doesn’t love a good chatbot? Enter Cortana—Microsoft’s answer to Siri. Sure, she can set reminders and play music, but what’s the point when she also decides to crash every other day? And don’t even get me started on the Windows Update notifications that seem to pop up at the worst possible times.

And let’s not forget their forays into the gaming world. Minecraft is great, sure—but have you seen their other attempts? Like, what happened with Xbox? One minute they’re dominating the console market, and the next they’re trying to compete with Sony and Nintendo like it’s some kind of tech war. And let’s not even get into their acquisition spree—because apparently, buying smaller companies is a strategy, not just an admission that your own products aren’t cutting it.

But hey, Microsoft isn’t all bad. They do have a few things going for them. Like, they’re one of the few companies that can make you feel both superior and inferior at the same time. “Look at me with my Macbook,” you’ll say, but deep down, you know Windows has features you just can’t live without—like the Start Menu, because who doesn’t love a throwback to the 90s.

And let’s talk about their marketing. Because Microsoft knows how to sell an idea. They’re the company that convinced us all that “the cloud” is something we need in our daily lives. Sure, it’s convenient—but have you checked your privacy policy lately? Just saying.

But through all the mockery and sarcastic jabs, one thing remains clear: Microsoft is a force to be reckoned with. They may not always get it right, but they sure know how to keep us on our toes. And that’s something, I guess. So here’s to Microsoft—may their blue screens, Cortana mishaps, and Surface missteps continue to keep us entertained for years to come.