Welcome to the Amazon Big Spring Sale, an event meticulously engineered by the retail titan because Jeff Bezos apparently looked at the calendar between New Year’s and Prime Day and realized the line on the “infinite growth” chart wasn’t steep enough. The Verge calls this a “manufactured event,” which is a polite way of saying Amazon is bored and wants your tax refund.

The primary claim here is that March is a “dry spell” for deals. This assumes that consumers are wandering through the desert of early spring, parched for the sight of a 15% discount on a pack of AA batteries. It’s a bold assumption that we need a “Big Spring Sale” to “hold us over” until Prime Day. Because, as we all know, if a month goes by without a cardboard box appearing on a doorstep, a suburban household technically ceases to exist.

The article highlights “steep(ish) savings,” a phrase doing more heavy lifting than an Amazon warehouse robot on a double shift. In the world of dynamic pricing algorithms, “steep(ish)” is usually code for “we hiked the price by 20% in February so we could drop it by 15% now and put a red badge on it.” If you’re tracking price history—and you should be—you’ll find that these “seasonal discounts” are often just the same prices the items hovered at in October. But hey, it’s “Spring-centric!” Because nothing says “new beginnings” like a slightly cheaper electric pressure washer that will sit in your garage until the heat death of the universe.

The Verge also points out that these deals aren’t quite on par with Black Friday or Prime Day. This is the retail equivalent of saying a lukewarm glass of tap water isn’t quite on par with a vintage Bordeaux. By calling it a “Big” sale while simultaneously admitting it’s the B-tier leftovers of the shopping calendar, the article attempts to create a sense of urgency for mediocrity. It’s an “opportunity,” they say. An opportunity for what? To help Amazon clear out inventory that’s been taking up valuable shelf space since the 2023 holiday rush?

The underlying logic is that we need “spring-centric items” to prepare for the season. It’s a fascinating psychological gambit: convincing people they need to buy a smart-enabled weed whacker to enjoy the outdoors. Nature has survived for billions of years without a lightning deal on a portable neck fan, but Amazon would prefer you didn’t think about that.

Let’s be real: the Big Spring Sale is less of a “shopping event” and more of a corporate exercise in data collection and inventory management. It’s a “third annual” tradition in the same way that getting a cold every March is a tradition—it happens, it’s annoying, and it mostly just leaves you feeling slightly drained. But sure, go ahead and browse the “steep(ish)” discounts on items you didn’t know existed five minutes ago. Your clutter-filled closet will thank you.