Welcome to the future of portable entertainment, where “portable” apparently means “carrying a literal tether to the nearest electrical grid.” Anker’s Nebula P1 has arrived, and it’s being hailed as the “portable sound king.” However, after looking at the specs and the logic behind this $800 paperweight, it seems the only thing truly “king-sized” here is the audacity of calling a device without a battery “portable.”

Let’s start with the headline-grabbing gimmick: the detachable speakers. The Nebula P1 allows you to snap off its ears to create “true left- and right-channel separation.” Groundbreaking. It’s almost as if Anker discovered that stereo sound exists—a technology we’ve mastered since, oh, 1958. While the reviewer claims it sounds better than the TCL PlayCube or the Xgimi MoGo, they conveniently ignore the fact that anyone with a pulse and a $50 Bluetooth speaker could achieve the same effect without the structural integrity of their projector resembling a Lego set in mid-disassembly. You’re paying a premium for the privilege of having more parts to lose in your couch cushions.

Then there is the “portability” paradox. The article notes the P1 “goes anywhere you can find a power source.” By that logic, my microwave is portable. My floor lamp is portable. My 75-inch OLED TV is “portable” if I’m motivated enough and have a long enough extension cord. Selling a “portable Google TV projector” that lacks a built-in battery is like selling a car that only works when it’s plugged into a garage; it’s not a vehicle; it’s a very expensive outdoor ornament.

The review mentions testing this device while traveling the European countryside in a van. Because nothing says “freedom of the open road” like being tethered to a 12V inverter while praying your car battery doesn’t die before the second act of *Dune*. If you’re truly living the “van life,” space and power are your most precious commodities. Why would you choose a projector that isn’t the brightest, isn’t the most compact, and requires a constant umbilical cord to the wall? For the $799 MSRP (or even the “sale” price of $639), you could buy a Nebula Capsule that actually fits in a cup holder and a pair of headphones that don’t require a master’s degree in modular assembly.

The Nebula P1 is a “decent video device” that prioritizes audio, which is like buying a “decent car” that prioritizes the cup holders. A projector’s primary job is to project light. If it’s not the brightest in its class and it’s not the most portable, what are we doing here? We are buying a Soundcore speaker that happens to have a flashlight attached to it.

In a world where the Anker Capsule and Mars series already exist to provide actual battery-powered freedom, the Nebula P1 feels like a solution in search of a problem. It’s for the person who wants the inconvenience of a wired home theater system with the mediocre brightness of a mobile unit. If you’re looking for the “Sound King,” maybe just buy a dedicated speaker and a projector that doesn’t need a leash. Your van—and your wallet—will thank you.