Every company is suddenly an AI company. Compute is an asset. Cars are flying. We’ve been promised robots — again. It’s time again to dig through earnings reports, listen to investor calls, and call out the latest wins and losses from around the tech sector and what it means for where the companies go next.

Sure, let’s smoosh SpaceX and Tesla together, who cares. Just because Tesla’s Optimus is in production doesn’t mean it’s actually ready. Tesla says customers can add their own vehicles to the robotaxi fleet next year — will it happen? Not even flying Roadsters can lift Tesla’s flat Q3 revenues. Tesla and SpaceX are discussing a possible merger, Musk says. SpaceX will try catching Starship and its booster for the first time, Musk says.

In Meta’s version of the future, I’ll have my Muse call your Muse. Meta says it would’ve made over $22 billion if it didn’t have to pay a child safety settlement. Meta to create a new class of shares to fund AI push. Netflix is telling investors not to worry, even though you’re watching less and less. SpaceX says big AI growth fueled revenue jump.

But let’s roast these claims a bit. Every company being an AI company is a bit like saying every meal is a gourmet dinner—sure, it might taste good, but is it really? Compute as an asset? Nice try, but it’s been an asset for ages; AI just made it sexy again. Cars flying? Well, they’re still grounded more often than not. Optimus in production? Production line or production line of paperweights? Tesla’s robotaxi fleet? If it were that easy, we’d all be riding Optimus on the way to work by now. Meta’s $22 billion? Sure, but that’s before the child safety settlement—did the kids even notice? Netflix’s less-watching? Maybe because we’re all scrolling through Meta’s AI-powered Muse calls instead. SpaceX’s AI growth? Big leap, but catching Starship is a bigger challenge than any AI model yet. So, while the tech sector is certainly buzzing, these claims deserve a good pinch of salt and a dash of wit.