Welcome to the annual mid-decade tradition of tech journalists telling you how to save money while they simultaneously humble-brag about their AirPods Pro 3 and Pixel 10 Pro XL collections. In an era where a loaf of bread costs more than a subscription to a streaming service nobody wants, The Verge has graced us with a list of “cheap stuff” that supposedly doesn’t suck.

But let’s be real: most of this is just high-grade e-waste waiting for its turn in a landfill. Here is a look at why your quest for a $20 dopamine hit might be a logical fallacy wrapped in plastic.

### The “I Might Need a Screwdriver” Delusion
The Nite Ize DoohicKey Plus is a $7 piece of metal designed for people who want to feel like MacGyver but actually just open Amazon boxes. The claim is that it’s “perfectly suited” for tightening a bolt in a pinch. Fact: If you are tightening a critical bolt with a keychain, you have already failed at life. It’s not a tool; it’s a fidget spinner for people who frequent hardware stores but don’t know how to use a torque wrench. Nathan Edwards admits it’s not as good as a Leatherman. Groundbreaking analysis. It’s also not as good as a spoon, yet we don’t carry those on our keyrings.

### The “Backup Earbud” Paradox
Brandon Widder suggests the $20 CMF Buds 2A as a backup for his AirPods Pro 3 because he “volunteers with search and rescue.” If you are in the middle of a literal search and rescue mission and your primary concern is whether your backup earbuds have 42 decibels of noise reduction to drown out “subway chatter,” you might be searching for the wrong thing. Let’s call these what they are: the “I lost my expensive ones and I’m too embarrassed to tell my spouse” special.

### The 100-Speaker Ikea Apocalypse
The Ikea Kallsup Bluetooth speaker costs $10. Andrew Liszewski notes that you can pair up to 100 of them together. Let’s do the math: for $1,000, you could buy a high-end Sonos system or a pair of audiophile-grade bookshelf speakers. Or, according to The Verge, you could buy 100 tiny plastic boxes that sound slightly better than a MacBook Air and create a localized electronic interference event that could likely be seen from space. If your solution to “bad sound” is “buy 100 of the same bad sound,” you aren’t an audiophile; you’re a hoard-ophile.

### The “Pocket Taco” and the Death of Ergonomics
The GameSir Pocket Taco is a $35 Bluetooth controller that lacks thumbsticks. In 2026, we are apparently regressing to the ergonomics of a 1989 Game Boy. It “clamps onto the bottom of your phone,” effectively turning your sleek, $1,200 smartphone into a top-heavy, wrist-snapping lever. It’s “better suited for older consoles,” which is tech-speak for “this is useless for anything made after the Clinton administration.”

### The “Notebook Will Fix Me” Cope
Nathan Edwards claims the Maruman Mnemosyne A5 Notebook is great for “fountain pen experimentation.” It’s a $30 notebook. For paper. Nathan admits he keeps thinking a new notebook will “fix him” and that it hasn’t worked yet. Finally, an honest take. Paying $30 for a “dot grid” so you can divide your misery into quarters horizontally or vertically isn’t “productivity”—it’s a cry for help.

### The High-Tech “Light My Way” Scenarios
The Globe Battery Backup LED Bulbs are designed for when the power goes out. They “automatically turn on” for up to 10 hours. While helpful, the logic that we need specific $35 bulbs to avoid “stubbing a toe” assumes we don’t already have the very smartphones mentioned earlier—which have built-in flashlights—or the Wuben G5 keychain light, or the Glocusent Neck Reading Light also featured on this list. How many light sources does one person need to walk to the bathroom? Between the bulbs, the neck light, and the keychain torch, you aren’t surviving a blackout; you’re hosting a low-budget rave in a crisis.

### The “Cheap” Knife vs. The Japanese Steel
Sean Hollister loves his Workpro EDC because he doesn’t want to “dull his SOG Ultra C-Ti.” This is the peak of “gear-head” logic: buying a tool so you don’t have to use the tool you already bought. It’s the equivalent of buying a cheap car so you don’t have to put miles on your daily driver. If your Japanese steel is too precious to cut tape, you didn’t buy a tool; you bought a metal security blanket.

### The Zepath Battery Shell Game
Charging eight AA batteries in a “clamshell charger” like wireless earbuds sounds futuristic until you realize you now have a bulky plastic case sitting on your laundry room shelf just to manage your remote controls. It’s “better than integrated USB-C batteries,” we’re told. Is it? Or is it just another proprietary plastic box to lose?

### The Ultimate Takeaway
The “ongoing tariff situation” and “global memory shortages” have apparently driven us to a point where we celebrate buying $9 magnetic cord clips to solve the “problem” of gravity. If you find yourself needing a “Pocket Taco,” a “DoohicKey,” and 100 Ikea speakers to get through the day, the problem isn’t the economy—it’s your Amazon “Buy Now” button.

But hey, at least the Ugreen Ethernet adapter makes your Nintendo Switch 2 downloads faster. Because in 2026, waiting 30 minutes for a game is the only thing we truly can’t afford.